Meta: Frigga's Bad Parenting Isn't Odin's Bad Parenting

[foundlingmother]

Claims that Thor's the neglected son frustrate me. The argument goes: Thor may have been Odin's favorite, but Odin's attention isn't supportive (I agree, it isn't), and Thor didn't have Frigga's attention because Loki was her favorite, therefore Loki had it better than Thor. 

Okay.

There are several points in Thor and TDW where Frigga and Thor’s relationship is shown to be affectionate/not strained. He winks at her at his coronation, she runs to hug him, she dies protecting Jane, etc. Add in the deleted scenes and she supports him before the coronation, she yells at Odin about his banishment, etc. Do I think she spent more time with Loki? Yes. She trained Loki and Loki, in all likelihood, sought her out when he didn’t want to spend time with Thor and his friends. Do I think that might have made Thor jealous? Sure. He’s quick to point out to Loki that he doesn’t have exclusive rights to their mother, that he too was her son (and he’s right). But there’s nothing about Thor and Frigga’s relationship that suggest she’s playing favorites the way Odin does. This doesn’t mean that her parenting of Thor was perfect. I’ve written meta about Thor's relationship with Odin. In the same way that Frigga’s permissive of Odin’s treatment of Loki, she’s permissive of his treatment of Thor. She doesn’t stand up to her husband for pitting the brothers against one another, but she attempts to give Loki a means to step out of Thor and Odin’s shadow. She doesn’t insist that Odin care about Thor’s emotional well-being, but she’ll offer emotional support from time to time.

Speaking of being permissive… she also lied to Loki about his heritage. She was complicit in concealing the truth that shattered Loki’s sense of identity, that sent him into a mental breakdown. And she had no concept of how much pain Loki was in at that time. Hell, if we count deleted scenes, she thought it would be so unimportant to him that he could handle being the monarch during a time when Asgard was on the brink of war with the man who abandoned Loki.

Both brothers were victims of Odin and Frigga’s bad parenting. It’s not a competition. Bad parenting comes in many forms, all damaging. Neglect and favoritism aren’t the only varieties. There's no need to erase or downplay Loki's experiences and claim Thor's the neglected child.

(Re-posted from Tumblr)

Comments

[fivestillalive]

I've never been able to entirely get into fics that portray Frigga as the perfect loving mother.

[foundlingmother]

There are degrees. She is a loving mother, but she's a wife and a queen first, and she has the same prejudices that plague the rest of the Asgardians. One of the best portrayals of her I've ever read is in Stars, Hide Your Fires by charlottelennox (iamanartichoke on Tumblr). You can tell she cares, but that she's never going to be able to offer Loki what he needs.

[salakavala]

Frigga's bad parenting is an interesting topic in my opinion, and you pointed out valid moments there. Odin is more clearly just... not a particularly good father, but Frigga seems more complex on that end, mostly because she is so lovable and a softer contrast to Odin. How I wish the Thor films were more about their entire family dynamics and less about Midgard and Jane and anything else. There's so much to unpack there. It would have been so interesting to get more glimpses of Thor and Loki's childhood and their parents' role in it.

[foundlingmother]

I agree. At the very least they should not have cut a lot of the scenes that flesh out the dynamics between various family members (especially scenes with Frigga).