Meta: Frigga's Bad Parenting Isn't Odin's Bad Parenting

Claims that Thor's the neglected son frustrate me. The argument goes: Thor may have been Odin's favorite, but Odin's attention isn't supportive (I agree, it isn't), and Thor didn't have Frigga's attention because Loki was her favorite, therefore Loki had it better than Thor. 

Okay.

There are several points in Thor and TDW where Frigga and Thor’s relationship is shown to be affectionate/not strained. He winks at her at his coronation, she runs to hug him, she dies protecting Jane, etc. Add in the deleted scenes and she supports him before the coronation, she yells at Odin about his banishment, etc. Do I think she spent more time with Loki? Yes. She trained Loki and Loki, in all likelihood, sought her out when he didn’t want to spend time with Thor and his friends. Do I think that might have made Thor jealous? Sure. He’s quick to point out to Loki that he doesn’t have exclusive rights to their mother, that he too was her son (and he’s right). But there’s nothing about Thor and Frigga’s relationship that suggest she’s playing favorites the way Odin does. This doesn’t mean that her parenting of Thor was perfect. I’ve written meta about Thor's relationship with Odin. In the same way that Frigga’s permissive of Odin’s treatment of Loki, she’s permissive of his treatment of Thor. She doesn’t stand up to her husband for pitting the brothers against one another, but she attempts to give Loki a means to step out of Thor and Odin’s shadow. She doesn’t insist that Odin care about Thor’s emotional well-being, but she’ll offer emotional support from time to time.

Speaking of being permissive… she also lied to Loki about his heritage. She was complicit in concealing the truth that shattered Loki’s sense of identity, that sent him into a mental breakdown. And she had no concept of how much pain Loki was in at that time. Hell, if we count deleted scenes, she thought it would be so unimportant to him that he could handle being the monarch during a time when Asgard was on the brink of war with the man who abandoned Loki.

Both brothers were victims of Odin and Frigga’s bad parenting. It’s not a competition. Bad parenting comes in many forms, all damaging. Neglect and favoritism aren’t the only varieties. There's no need to erase or downplay Loki's experiences and claim Thor's the neglected child.

(Re-posted from Tumblr)

Meta: Thor's Apology is Sincere

I’ll be the first to admit that Thor’s not exactly aces at understanding Loki, but, unlike some people, I don’t think he’s insincere in Thor, despite what he says in Avengers.

Indulge my journey through Thor’s perspective.

Thor’s on Midgard. Last time he saw Loki, they were loving brothers who had each other’s backs. Now Loki’s attacking him and his friends on Midgard. He’s got exactly zero context beyond the nonsense Sif and the Warriors Three fed him (and we know how little they’re aware of what's going on behind the scenes). He doesn’t want to fight Loki. He loves Loki. He has no idea why Loki’s angry, but that’s probably nothing new. I imagine Thor never really understood how he upset Loki but always apologized to make it better. Loki being Loki, he never tried to talk it out with Thor. He’d pull some prank, or hurt/insult Thor, or just push it aside. He, too, loves Thor, but also hates feeling vulnerable. So Thor pulls out the “Whatever I’ve done, I’m sorry.” And he is, and Loki could take the opportunity to tell Thor what his grievances with him are, and I think Thor would listen. He still might not fully understand, but Thor's in a prime mental state de-powered on Midgard to question what he "knows".

Two problems with that. First, Loki doesn’t do vulnerable. Second, this isn’t even about Thor (again, Thor doesn’t know that). Loki’s not trying to keep Thor on Midgard because he hates Thor. He’s trying to keep Thor on Midgard because Loki hates himself. He’s just found out he’s a Frost Giant, which means he’s the worst monster in existence, deserving of being in Thor’s shadow, and maybe even deserving of being killed by Thor. Loki’s scared of Thor, too, but even that’s about him. Thor’s apology is well-intentioned, but it was never going to fix the situation. Thor could have apologized for the specific ways he wronged Loki, and it wouldn’t have fixed the situation.

Then Thor makes it back to Asgard, and he finds a seemingly crazed, furious Loki who’s speaking a bunch of nonsense. I’m not your brother? I never was? WTF are you even talking about, Loki? When Thor says it’s madness, he means it. Loki sounds insane. I think this is where Thor starts to view Loki’s anger as purely a sudden mental breakdown, not the final product of centuries worth of insecurities and unfair treatment. Even figuring out what Loki was talking about wouldn’t have cleared it up for him. They’re still brothers. They were still raised together and played together (as he says in Avengers).

When they’re reunited in Avengers, the line that Thor responds to with “imagined slights” includes both a truth and a falsehood. If your sibling says to you in an argument, “I hate you because you were always the favorite and everyone thought you were better than me! Also, you tried to murder me once!” your reaction probably won’t be to start breaking down that statement and parsing truth from lies. Your sibling is accusing you of attempted murder. That’s crazy. It confirms to Thor what he already thought: Loki’s experiencing an intense mental breakdown and the anger primarily is about me. It’s not true, and we know this because we are the viewer who gets to witness everything, but it’s not weird that Thor thinks that. Maybe a tad bit self-absorbed, but considering his upbringing, even the self-absorbed perspective makes complete sense.

Throughout Avengers, Loki convinces Thor that he’s beyond reason. He can’t be reached or fixed (at least, he's very afraid that this is the truth, so much so that he won't confront Loki and have it confirmed). It… hurts him deeply. He loves his brother, but this Loki doesn’t seem to be capable of being that again. He’s wrong. That’s why spending about two seconds with Loki in TDW changes Thor’s attitude, even while he resists falling back into the easy camaraderie that they’ve shared.

Thor’s just painfully unaware of Loki's perspective. Painfully. There are points where a more reflective person would question what the hell’s up, but reflectiveness is something Thor’s still developing (also, there are points where a more communicative person than Loki would, you know, communicate, but they’re both fucked up from their upbringing, and that’s why they’re disaster siblings). However, just about the most unlikely moments where Thor would have an epiphany are the ones where he and Loki are fighting. Loki encourages Thor’s false perspective, on accident and/or on purpose (that whole hang-up about being vulnerable).

(Re-posted from Tumblr)